I really feel like an alien at times. Am I the only person that watches the throng of people surging out of the station intent on only reaching their place of employment like a mass of soldier ants destroying everything in their path. Not a smile on any face; no courtesy at all and no real sign of character or individuality amongst them. I have to stand back and smile as I avoid getting run down by them - because no-one gives way....
I guess I don't really fit into this City mentality. Four years ago when I was forced to move with my job to the City I was terrified at the thought of it but I settled in like everyone does, given time, but my state of mind has never really changed to the City way.
Take a person out of the City and they become human again - someone you can chat to and have fun with - but while they are in that City jungle environment they become someone else.
Ok I'm exaggerating now - not everyone is like it - but on the whole people are in too much of a rush; too focused on making as much money as possible; too involved in furthering their careers and somewhere along the line they become hardened and robotic.
To a degree I suppose I've taken some of this on board. None of the above apply but I remember when I first arrived here I told myself I would not become like the others where they ignore beggars and walk past them as if they just do not exist. Now after 4 years of being 'chosen' as the sucker who always believes their stories I have to acknowledge that on the whole there are a lot of conmen and women out there. Too many times I have been taken as a mug because I have a conscience and now I find, sadly, that I have started to view them all as conmen/women because I cannot tell the genuine person in need from the rest so now I try to avoid them.
Why is it that City people love to be in a crowd. They are forever barging passed one another at lunchtimes while they browse around the shops or lunching at the many wine bars; cafes or restaurants where you can hardly hear yourself talk.
My lunch hours are generally spent at my desk because there is just nowhere to get away from the crowds. I am close to the river but trying to take a river walk at lunchtime is a feat in itself while you sidestep the joggers or lunchers who seem to believe you are invisible. Just one small place where there is a little bit of greenery and peace and quiet - that is all I ask for. Just to take an hour away from the hustle and bustle but it's just not possible.
I have at least 8 more years that I have to continue to work before I can retire - if I can afford to retire!!! It seems a long time - a prison sentence really. But there are no options that I can think of yet.
I guess I had to experience this way of life - just another little lesson in life - but on the whole it's not for me. It's too cold; uncaring; tiring; selfish and above all overcrowded.
Ok my rant for the day over with.