Wednesday 15 October 2008

Inquest - to go or not to go

Well I'm under pressure from my sister to go to the inquest into the death of my father.

Six months ago he was run over and killed by a young newly qualified driver. The lad is going to be there because the outcome of the Coroner's report will decide whether the police will prosecute him or not. Naturally the young lad will be accompanied and supported by his family.

My initial feelings on the matter are that I do not want to go. My reasons being that at the moment my last memories of my Dad were pleasant ones - a long and happy conversation with him. That is the last memory I want to keep. I do not want my last memories to be a Coroner's report!

It is bad enough having already been told of the injuries he suffered and having to come to terms with it without six months down the line being reminded again. I feel that to hear in detail the cause of death would throw me back to where I was when he died.

My sister on the other hand had not spoken or seen my father for about 4 months prior to his death. She was stubborn and so was he and so her last memory of him was not a good one. Therefore I feel that guilt is behind her insistence on going to this hearing. The problem is that she is trying to transfer her guilt onto both her daughter, myself and my daughter with the words "if no-one is there it will look as if no-one cared about him".

That is totally untrue - I love my Dad. But then that is my way of dealing with it. I know my Dad would understand why I am not there but my sister has still made me feel guilty.

So, what is the right or wrong thing to do? I guess that it all depends on the individual but for me I want to remember good times not bad.

Quite a contentious issue I guess...

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