Wednesday 8 October 2008

The end of a marriage

I've been consolling a friend this week who in absolute distress and shock told me that her husband of 2 years and father to their 1 year old baby girl had announced that he no longer wanted to be married. He wanted to be single again!

Now I'm not here to judge or make comment - after all I've made enough mistakes in my life, and I've been divorced - so all I could do was to try and offer practical advice. Her husband has already instructed solicitors (a definite no-no at any chance of a reconciliation) and is moving out at the weekend.

Within the matter of a week her life has been turned upside down and changed beyond all her expectations and dreams.

How quickly our lives and plans disolve into dust; and just where does it all go wrong. After all we all know how 'being in love' feels and it is an unfortunate (or fortunate - depending how you view it) fact of life that 'in love' has to change. It has to for how else could you live for years on end being in that heightened state!

Being in love is a great feeling but it is exhausting and all encompassing. After being in love I believe comes the real 'love'. As the years go by and you know one another more than you know yourself and you accept all the little things that could otherwise niggle you and still know that this person is the first person you want to see when you awake in the morning; and the last person you want to see before you go to sleep at night. To know that your life IS that person - they are your best friend, your confidant, your advisor, then to me that is real love.

Unfortunately for this couple they have never reached the real love stage; they have fallen at the first fence; when the 'in love' faded and the pressures of marriage and parenthood hit them. So now they have to face the pressures of separation; divorce and being an 'ex'. I do feel for them as it is not easy.

No comments: