Today has been a difficult day. We went for a coffee and sandwich at our friend's bar. We haven't seen him since he closed at the end of October so he was unaware of what has been going on through the winter months.
Telling him we were returning to the UK was difficult and his reaction has made me feel awful.
In the midst of putting our house on the market and organising the return to the UK I forgot about those that we were leaving behind. Why does it always have to be one or the other?
UK or Mallorca, family or friends?
In an ideal world we could have both and share our time between both but this is not an ideal world and we do not have the ideal life.
I came 'home' feeling restless, confused and hoping that we were making the right decision. I took Freddy out for a walk but it was too warm for him so I went back out again on my own.
I needed to walk and to think. But it hasn't really solved anything It is a no win situation.
We left the UK and our family to live our dream but the dream did not exist. We are returning to the UK to be near family but I do hope we won't regret the decision. The reality is that nowhere is perfect and whatever we choose we leave people we care about behind.
I don't want to go into great detail of why we decided to leave but I never realised what it was like to be a foreigner in someone else's country. When on holiday you do not notice the little things that mount up and cause irritation and ill-ease. But there is also Mallorca the country - the natural world. I love the island, I love the wildlife, the mountains and the sea.
In the summer of 2012 we hid in the cabin on the ferry as we left Palma after our holiday because we didn't want to say goodbye. Now we are choosing to leave. Leave the island, the house we own, and the friends we have made and those we knew before.
I am grateful for the operation that has given me back my sight and the treatment of the Spanish Health Service although that also showed me how difficult it could be if you were to require hospital treatment for anything more serious. The struggling to understand what was going on in a language not your own and a system that you do not know. Then there is the fear of being left alone. How would you cope when one of you ends up alone. Bad enough in your own country with your family around but in a country which sleeps for half the year!
No, a decision had to be made and it had to be made while we were still fit enough to make the move back and while I was still working and able to afford to do it.
It is a sad and very difficult day ...